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I Am A Heart Cripple
Well, I am a Cardiac Cripple (From A False Positive).
I have to face this.
The next step was to book an angioplasty and possible open heart surgery. An angiogram would come first and a surgical team would be ready with the saw.
Meanwhile, from November 21, 2012 until Feb. 11, 2013 I was led to believe I was dieing. This was a somber and reflective time.
I faced death, a very lonely experience. I did not change my lifestyle. I kept on jogging, walking and using the stairs every day instead of the elevator for 8-10 floors depending on if I was coming from the parking garage or the street level.
I am a vegan for many years so I have a fat free, healthy diet. No change there.
The February 11 hospitalization began with an angiogram--a process with a high mortality. Mine was extensive and went through all the cardiac arteries because the process was revealing only perfectly healthy arteries.
I got a perfectly clean bill of health. I was told I could do anything I wanted; my commercial pilot's license would be reinstated, and I would live many happy years into the future with a perfect heart and cardio-vascular system.
That was a lonely and scary experience during those late, long, lonely nights in the winter of 2012/2013.
Probably many of the things I do today are out
of fear of dieing alone. I did that once and did not like it.
Doctors call it "Cardiac Cripple". It takes time to get one's head out of this negative space. I want to accelerate that time and start thinking straight; regain my confidence; restore self-esteem; and stop being numb. Maybe then I can be a better counselor in helping others deal with this sort of thing. :o)
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